


Always There

by Rizzleslvr72



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-16
Updated: 2013-08-16
Packaged: 2017-12-23 17:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/929380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rizzleslvr72/pseuds/Rizzleslvr72
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A sudden tragedy causes changes in Jane and Maura's relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always There

I thought we needed a break from the sexcapades. So, here is a little piece that has been growing in the back of my mind. I hope you can appreciated it for the little tid bit that it is. Again, it’s not canon and it’s meant to be a snapshot.  Also, this is a one shot. Feedback is greatly needed and greatly appreciated. Thanks to my bad ass beta who told me I use too many .... and --- well every time I use them in the wrong place a devil gets its tail.

* * *

 

Jane had to get away. She was tired of being strong for Frankie and Tommy…for everyone. Their father, though estranged, was there to pick up the slack now. He could take care of it because it was about time that he found a place in their lives again. Wasn’t that what family patriarch’s did?  She didn’t want any part of the plethora of food and people waiting, even though it was all family and close friends.  She was glad that Maura’s offer to use her home had been refused for whatever reason because that was where she was headed. Today, more than any other day, it was a sanctuary.

Her palms were sweating and she wiped them off against the dark material of her dress. Jane attempted to swallow the mammoth lump of emotion in her throat, but it refused to go down, almost choking her. Her heartbeat was erratic, making breathing difficult. There was a prominent hollowness that had started in the pit of her belly, and it was now starting to reach her fingertips. Jane gasped as it finally engulfed her completely, leaving a painful numbness.

Jane peered out the passenger side window. Cars merged in and out of traffic and buildings stood tall, erect like sentinels on watch. Life just went on as if nothing cataclysmic in her world had occurred. A playground even came into view, teeming with children and watchful parents. A deep stab of misery and longing reminded her that she was one of those children once. Right now, she desperately wanted to be again.

Closer, the car moved toward their destination, and Jane's cracked veneer dissolved completely. The ball of emotion suddenly became too much, and a sob broke through.

A hand covered hers, and Jane looked around wildly until she connected with green eyes that knew everything. Their fingers entwined and squeezed, and Jane held on for dear life. It was all she needed. Tears began to fall.

She felt safest here with this woman.

“It’s okay. It’s just me.” Maura whispered.

For the first time since it happen, Jane let the sadness, the anger overtake her. “How could this happen?” Her voice was thick, accusing. “She wasn’t supposed to ever leave. She’s fucking Angela Rizzoli!”

Maura was quiet as Jane pierced the air with ragged breathing. The detective was waiting for explanations of death or how heart attacks are a silent killer in women. The minutes passed and none came. Maura had learned so much from their friendship…from their social circle. She finally knew  that sometimes logic could not substitute for emotion, and for some reason, Jane found this hilarious.

Covering her mouth with her free hand, she began to laugh hysterically. It didn’t make sense, but to her, none of this did.  After several seconds, she reverted back to sobbing. 

Maura held on tighter.

Jane’s strength was waning, but through the warmth of their contact, she felt a small amount returning.  “She was alone. She died alone, Maura.”

“You’ve always been there for her Jane. You didn’t know. There was no way _to_ know. She knew she was loved, and right now that has to be enough.” Maura murmured.

That knowledge settled within her. During Tommy’s imprisonment and the divorce, Jane was where she was needed most by her mother's side. Her mother had given so much. It was easy to give back, and despite their bickering, at the end of the day, Angela Rizzoli knew she was cherished by her children. After the divorce and out of necessity her days were spent on her feet.  They all chipped in daily and did little things to make the day seem shorter. She would always smile knowingly but never said a word to call attention to it.

A gaping hole, it was the only way to describe it, came with the memories. The loneliness was crushing. “My family is all here. Why do I feel so al---“

“You’re not, and you won’t be. Whatever you need, Jane.”

Jane knew this to be true, but the feeling did not dissipate. Still, she had never felt so grateful. At the cemetery, there were hugs, pats on the back, and admiration that she was holding it together. Frankie and Tommy stood by her side holding on to her as they cried, but she stood stoic and firm, the eldest of three children. The simple truth was that none of them knew her.

Maura knew.

Maura knew what bubbled underneath.

She was there during one of the toughest times in Jane’s life, when she was haunted by monsters, by Hoyt, and during it all, she watched. She learned, and Jane allowed it.

Jane wanted it.

To feel close to someone again…to find someone who understood was a craving that Jane couldn’t deny. Soft green eyes beckoned and deceptively strong arms held on as she spilled her fears and discussed tentative hopes.

So, when Hoyt returned time and time again, Maura was there. She was always there.  Today was no different. It was a balm, knowing that as she flailed about, Maura was the tether that kept her from floating away.

The car stopped in Maura’s driveway.  Jane got out, moving woodenly. Long minutes later, she sat on the couch, waiting and staring into space. Part of her expected to hear her mother’s voice booming in greeting or grating in admonishment, but there was nothing except the muffled sounds of Maura rummaging through the kitchen.

The gaping hole in her chest was fast becoming a cavernous maw, threatening to swallow her and leave her in the darkness. Seeing, the casket being lowered into the ground was a catalyst to burgeoning chain reaction. There were two women who held the utmost importance in her life, and one of them was gone. The finality could not be denied.

The kitchen door opened and Maura entered with a tray. Steam wafted up from the cups. “It’s just tea, but I added something to relax you.”

Jane nodded. There was no need to question because she trusted this woman implicitly. They sipped their tea in silence. She could taste brandy in hers. Maura sat close enough that their thighs brushed, but the contact was more than welcome. It always had been.

Feeling her hair being pushed over her shoulder, Jane turned and was captured in Maura’s gaze. In the doctor’s eyes, she saw fear and uncertainty but there was also strength, perseverance, and a depth of emotion that was blinding.

“I don’t know what to say at a time like this.” Maura murmured.

A weak smile somehow lifted Jane’s lips. “Do you know how many times you’ve said that since we’ve known each other?”

Maura reddened. “It’s true.”

Jane shook her head. “But you always seem to say the right thing…every time, Maura. Every time.”

Green eyes watered. “Maybe it’s because of you.”

Sympathetic tears sprang to Jane’s eyes. “Maybe. Maybe it’s just us. She…she loved you like a daughter. You know?”

Maura’s chin quivered as tears spilled over. “I know.”

Without thought or pretense, Jane wrapped her arms around Maura. They clutched at each other.

“I wonder who I would be if I had a woman like her in my life at the beginning?”

Jane laughed. “A more Italian version of you?”

They both smiled softly as their foreheads touched.

“I loved her too. She let me…be me, and there was no judgment. You’re so much like her. She was so very proud of you. You were her favorite subject.” Maura said.

“She loved having a doctor in the family.”

Maura chuckled. “She brightened up this house like only a Rizzoli could.”

“We do have a certain charm.”

“Yes, that’s true, but Jane, you’re…“ Maura paused and closed her eyes.

Jane cupped Maura’s cheek. “Hey, what? Look at me.”

Maura shook her head and refused to open her eyes. “Now isn’t the time.”

“Don’t.” Jane swallowed. “Don’t hold back on me right now. I need you. It might sound selfish---“

“No, it is, and you could never be selfish. It’s me Jane. I think that I’m the selfish one. ” Maura finally met her gaze.

Maura’s eyes were sad, but they held so much more. There was gentleness, reverence. Jane tried desperately to catch it all before it was hidden. “I don’t understand. Tell me.”

“Angela knew. We discussed it again just the other day. She told me…she wanted me to—“ Maura looked away.

“No.” Jane refused to let her. “Please?  Knew what?”  She wanted to hear everything, know everything, and she wanted to continue making her mother proud.

Maura covered the hand encasing her cheek. Tangling her fingers, she brought it to her lips. “This.”

Jane’s breath hitched as Maura’s mouth brushed her open palm. Her heart slammed against her rib cage, and a sense of calm enveloped her. “Maura?” Jane asked in wonder.

“It was one of the last conversations we had. She knew how I felt about you and wanted me to tell you. It was her last wish I suppose. You needed to know even though the timing isn’t the most appropriate.” The fear in Maura's eyes increased with each word.

Jane didn’t like seeing it there. She wanted it gone.  She knew she had to do. It was something she should have done long ago. Warmth filled her belly, overtaking the loneliness…the emptiness. It sat there like an old friend. Her gaze lowered to Maura’s lips. A ragged breath escaped, and Jane closed the scant distance between them.  She hesitated for a moment.

Maura’s nails dug into her hand, and her breathing accelerated.

When their lips finally touched, a tiny sound of surrender escaped Maura mouth. Jane swallowed it and let it fill her. Bringing both hands to Maura’s face, Jane held her captive as mouths brushed and lifted with a softness that was filled with acknowledged need.

Long minutes later, they separated reluctantly. Chests heaved and their gazes locked. “I have a confession too,” Jane husked. It was time. If Maura could do it, so could she. Jane continued to peer into green eyes that now shined with hope.

“Yes?”

Biting her bottom lip, Jane glanced heavenward and the floodgates opened. “She figured me out a long time ago. She used to scream at me that you were better than anyone I ever brought home. I was scared that I’d lose you if you knew how I felt. I was just scared period, and I wouldn’t budge. Mom said that I had more Rizzoli stubbornness than she had ever seen.  I thought she’d given up---”

“So she started working on me instead,” Maura finished for her. 

They both laughed out loud. Then, as the laughter dissipated, their lips met desperately.

“How long have you--?” Jane breathed the words into Maura’s mouth.

“A long time.”

A sense of rightness settled over Jane like something missing slid into place. Through tragedy, opportunity was born. It was strange because it almost felt like her mother was there, meddling and orchestrating in the best way possible, and she loved her even more for it. Jane wasn’t going to squander the chance she’d been given. It was finally their time. Jane knew it. Maura knew it, and apparently Angela Rizzoli did as well.

THE END


End file.
